Chapter Fifteen

Lotor sequestered himself in his room the rest of the afternoon focusing on tracking down the people responsible for the bombing and relying on Grieg to be his go to person. Lotor didn’t trust himself to be among the Arusians if he discovered that they were indeed responsible for the bombing that could have ended Allura’s life. He didn’t know what he’d do to the person if he found them out in person. It was probably nothing that he could have redeemed himself of; as it were he would have to answer for his actions after the explosion.

The only release that he could find while waiting for information was from his knuckles denting the metal doors of his closet. Somewhere in the back of his mind he was wondering how he would explain his bloodied knuckles to Allura but that voice was not nearly as loud as the shout for destruction and mayhem. It was this feeling that he had been able to harness when conquering a world and toppling their government. It was of no use to him now though, it was just getting in the way.

His console beeped indicating that Greig was calling him.

“What?” Lotor snapped.

“The dressmaker and all her cohorts have been caught and are going to be tried for terrorism, attempted murder, and possession of illegal substances, among other things.”

“Good,” Lotor grumbled, wishing that the Arusian justice system worked similarly to that of the Drules. A swift beheading pending the order of a royal. Allura may not be able to make the order but Lotor would. He would even be willing to take up a steel sword to make sure that the beheading was done right.

“I think that you should know that Allura called Emilee away to get to work on another dress for the ceremony,” Grieg offered. Lotor’s brain wasn’t quite processing at the moment, he was still envisioning the beheading of those simpering tailors. “Which means,” Greig continued without prompting after a moment of silence from Lotor. “That you will be married by this time tomorrow.”

Lotor looked at the time.

“The wedding is in less than twenty-four hours,” Lotor breathed, his focus finally shifting.

“Yes,” Greig confirmed. “And the rehearsal dinner is tonight.”

“Huh?”

“I mentioned this the same time as I told you what a tux was,” Greig snapped. “You are expected in a couple of hours. Be presentable, it is a formal affair.”

Lotor knew that he was snarling at his communicator. Greig meant well but Lotor never tolerated being told what to do very well. Zarkon did it all the time and each time it rankled with Lotor, making him resent and hate the man even more. At least the rehearsal was an excuse to see her again. He didn’t want to monopolize her time but he wanted to be near her more and more.

Lotor went to his cabinet and looked at his potion.

“Damnit…” he sighed. There was just enough to make it through the wedding then he was on his own. There was no telling what he would do once in full withdrawal. He only hoped that he was strong enough to handle it when the time came. He also hoped that Allura was strong enough to accept him when he was finally able to be himself.

Lotor stalked into his bathroom and into a hot shower. The scalding water didn’t even distract him from his cravings for Allura and for his drink. He was certain that he could have his skin boiled off and he wouldn’t care at this moment.

So he focused on the angelic blond that he would be able to bed the following evening. The virginal young woman who was proving to be the strongest leader he had ever encountered during his conquests. None of the rulers he had met were willing to sacrifice themselves the way that Allura was doing. For a flash of a moment, Lotor felt guilty for putting her in such a position.

For a moment.

Then everything went red…

~ * ~ * ~

“Care to explain how your quarters got trashed?” Grieg asked as he woke the prince from a where he lay on the floor of his suite, naked and still wet from being in his shower. Lotor looked around and everything was broken or bashed in or ripped apart. He looked at his hands and saw the welts and bruises left behind from his blind rage.

“What time is it?” Lotor asked, standing and searching for his console only to find that it too had been smashed into pieces by one of his arm chairs.

“Time to get dressed as your bride-to-be expected you fifteen minutes ago,” Grieg sighed as he saw the status of Lotor’s closet. Lotor frowned, noting all his new Arusian clothing and he Drulian clothing was destroyed. He literally had nothing to wear at the moment. “I’ll grab you something from my closet.”

Grieg turned and strode out of the ruined chambers quickly. Lotor went to his cabinet and sighed as he saw the vile with his potion in one piece, toppled over but nothing spilled. He took that moment to sip the smallest portion he could from the vile and felt the burning of it down his throat. It would have to tide him over for the evening.

Lotor began his grooming while waiting for Grieg to return. He couldn’t allow anyone to know he had lost it for even a moment. He washed his hands thoroughly and applied ointment to the site, hoping that he would heal quickly because of his Drule blood. He combed his hair straight and was starting to shave when Grieg finally returned, bearing a nice shirt and slacks. They were Arusian, of course, and looked fine enough to suit the occasion before them. Grieg was already dressed as well.

“Did you black out?” Grieg asked after a moment watching Lotor shave.

“I don’t know,” Lotor admitted.

“Do you think that you could not do that again?” Grieg asked, his brow raised. Lotor highly doubted that if something triggered him he would be able to avoid mayhem if he was going through withdrawal. He feared what would happen if people were around to witness his rages or people that might end up being subjected to his rages. He didn’t want to think about it.

He took Grieg’s offered clothing and dressed quickly. Lotor was glad that the tux was being stored in the castle or it might not have made it through his war against his room. Lotor looked at the bed and saw that the mattress was overturned, the bedding ripped, and the bed frame smashed.

The shirt was a very deep burgundy that looked striking with his skin color. The pants were black and he was able to find black shoes to match the outfit. He did a quick once over in a partially smashed mirror and exited his room.

Grieg hurried Lotor through the castle to the family chapel where everyone was waiting. Lotor didn’t know what to expect out of a wedding rehearsal but they must have gone over a lot before he arrived. Lotor was stood at the front of the chapel across from Allura in her rose pink sun dress and strappy heels, Emilee with her newly colored auburn hair was behind her, holding a bundle of flowers. Coran, Nanny, the rest of the Voltron force and Queen Orla were in the rows of seating at the front of the chapel, watching them.

The officiator went over the basics by reading off his list of events, the introduction, the sermon, the vows, and so on. Lotor wasn’t really paying attention because Allura looked very pale, even through she was normally very fair skinned. Lotor had to write it off as nerves since the officiator was still droning on about the ceremony.

When the officiator finally concluded, he had Lotor take Allura by the arm and lead her out of the chapel with Grieg and Emilee following suit. Once outside, the rest of the people in the chapel followed, chatter at a minimum as it was obvious everyone was uncomfortable.

“Come now,” Coran said after a moment. “Dinner is served on the veranda.” The voltron force and nanny followed Coran without hesitation. Grieg and Emilee followed too but Lotor held back and Allura didn’t seem to be in a hurry to get away from him.

“Are you alright?” he asked as she seemed to not really be aware of where she was exactly. She looked up at him for a moment then sighed.

“I’ve been thinking about what you said,” she began, looking down the hall where the rest of the party had gone. “About what I really wanted and the truth is that no one has ever asked me that before.” She seemed a little unsure of what she was saying. “The truth is, I don’t know what I want. I’ve been ignoring my wants and needs so long that I don’t think I can find them anymore.”

Lotor thought that it was ironic that he has spent his life seeking and getting everything that his heart desired and before him was a woman who had never done a single thing for herself. She was always doing for others.

“Take your time, Allura,” Lotor heard himself saying. “Somethings are worth waiting for and other things aren’t worth wanting at all. Especially if you get them.” Allura nodded and headed down the hall to the double doors that opened to the veranda where tables with white linens were set up. Everyone was seated except Lotor and Allura so it was obvious where they were to go.

Dinner was served and people were eating in silence. Nanny was giving him dirty looks the entire time but he chose to ignore her entirely, lest she make him too angry that he couldn’t try to have a normal conversation with Allura.

“Where does one go on their honeymoon?” Lotor asked, making Allura pause as she ate her salad.

“We aren’t going to go on a honeymoon,” she replied although she sounded a little downtrodden at the thought. “We have to stay here and prepare for an invasion.”

“Where would you go if you could?” he asked, not wanting to leave the threat of invasion on her mind.

“Laguna,” she replied without hesitation. “It’s a small island near the equator with a picturesque lagoon that my parents spent their honeymoon. There is a small exclusive resort there. It’s the perfect honeymoon location.”

“I will take you there, when this is all over,” Lotor heard himself promise which made her smile a little. “It is okay to be a little selfish sometimes, you have just as much right to be happy as anyone.”

Allura turned and looked at him quizzically and he knew that he sounded very unlike himself at that moment. Lotor didn’t know if that was his real persona finally speaking through or some other side effect of his missed fixes. Lotor was glad that their conversation was quiet and no one else was able to hear them and he was pretty sure that Allura’s blasted nanny couldn’t read lips.

“I just want you to be happy,” Lotor said finally, hoping that would be then end of his philosophical rants about happiness.

“Then let me be,” she said quietly as she stared down at her half eaten salad.

“I cannot,” he sighed, wanting to touch her hair but not daring to lay a finger on her in the present company. “We need each other, more than you know.”